have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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