420 ftw
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
