Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
