There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
