He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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