Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
