I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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