you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
