oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
