Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
