I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
