Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
