Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
