I have demons in me.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
