Porn is love you can see.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
