You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
