me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
