You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
