I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
