were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
