cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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