No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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