why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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