Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
