no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
