I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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