All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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