Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
