I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
