The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
