Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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