i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
