Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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