i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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