I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
