i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
