worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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