I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
