In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
