GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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