my mouth tastes like poor choices
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
