How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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