fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We just shotgunned beers for America
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
