I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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