Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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