Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
