I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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