im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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