woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
