I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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