Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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