i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
